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The Susiode Wars

wacko2's notes

The story "The Susiode Wars" can be found in the C&HDA under Fanfictions. All new chapters in this series will be posted there. Please note that only Maetoshi, Eagle of Austria and Hugh Palmer are allowed to add new chapters to this series.

The Susiode Wars: Part 1, Just Another Day
Author: Maetoshi

Sergeant Hobbes stood on the bridge of the starship Slushball. The ship hovered on the end of the Calvinian Empire, watching his screen. The Calvone-laserotic screen showed the paths of the lasers shooting from a calvo-sensor. It was empty. It had been for the past two hours. Oh well, he thought, put someone else on duty. He retreated to his cabin.

On the robot-planet of Calvasia, Calvinian Emperor Calvin marched through his vast fortress-palace. He passed the doors to the kitchens, where another batch of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs was being cooked. And the doors to the dungeon, where Rosalyn and Moe, Calvin's childhood enemies, were locked up. He passed the armory, where thousands of grenade launchers, laser-guided nuclear missiles, atomic bombs, cruise missiles, and kablooioid nuclear ultra destructos (which could take out a major sun), as well as 50,000 other weapon choices, were held. He finally reached the throne room, the heart of the Calvinian empire, which controlled the star systems.

The Susiode Wars: Part 2, A Little History
Author: Eagle of Austria

Flashback: Years ago, when a 16 year-old Calvin had taken control of the galaxy, the Galactic Senate was determined to prevent the young emperor from gaining full control. They divided the galaxy into separate duchies and principalities. Four separate rulers controlled a galaxy divided among themselves: Rosalyn, Moe, Susie, and Calvin. The three other rulers were selected not because of their leadership qualities, but because they were all enemies of Calvin, and would never let him gain power over them.

Calvin dissolved the Senate in a rage, and declared war on the separate sectors. His army was mauled in the Battle of Alpha Centauri. Rather than give up, he lured his enemy Moe into a trap (using a beach ball), and forced him to surrender. Conscripting Moe's army, Calvin launched a ferocious campaign against Rosalyn.

Susie signed a secret treaty with Calvin which stated that she would not help Rosalyn, and would surrender her territory to Calvin. In exchange, he had to promise not to imprison her as he had Moe, and to allow her to govern the territories that she had previously ruled. Rosalyn's armies were routed by the superior leadership of General Stupendous Man and Grand Admiral Spiff at the battle of Deneb 5.

Rosalyn was, like Moe, imprisoned for life. To prevent her territories from falling into Calvin's complete control though, she gave them to Susie, who won the right to govern them at the Vega 3 Convention. Aside from this, the Vega 3 Convention dissolved all but a few outskirt duchies, and put them under the complete command of Calvin. He was crowned Galactic Emperor at the end of the convention.

Encouraged by the power she had received at the Vega 3 Convention, Susie began scheming to become the Galactic Empress in Calvin's place. She held a secret conference with the still semi-free dukes of the galaxy's outskirts. They promised her support in exchange for high positions of power when she conquered the galaxy. She also won the support of some disgruntled nobles in the heart of the Calvinian empire. She then began building up a huge army. To distract Calvin from her activities, she sponsored a wave of galactic terrorism which bombed space ports, kidnapped nobles, and interrupted trade with other galaxies.

By the time Calvin had put the terrorism down, Susie's sector of the galaxy (now including the outer duchies) was operating almost independently, and was too strong to be stopped. Susie united three races, the Gurls, the Zorgs, and a handful of rebellious humans into the Susiode Alliance. Susie rose from a vassal of Calvin to a rival, waiting to strike!

And now back to our story: As Hobbes prepared to retire to his quarters, Captain Napalm, commander of the Outer Star Fleet and its flagship Slushball, emerged from his cabin. His face was pale as he stammered, "We have received a message from Susie!" The crew shuddered...

The Susiode Wars: Part 3, An Ambassador
Author: Eagle of Austria

"Susie demands a meeting with a representative of this ship," explained the flustered Captain Napalm. "But why?" asked Sergeant Hobbes. "We owe her no loyalty." "Unfortunately, we do. She's still technically a government agent," came the response. "Oh," sighed Hobbes. "Well, I'll go." The crew and captain were stunned. Volunteering to meet with the evil Susie! "Very well, Hobbes," said Captain Napalm after a moment's hesitation. "You're a brave tiger, and I'm sure you're better qualified than most of us. Good luck." The tiger looked slightly embarrassed as he replied, "Thank you sir, I'll need it." A few minutes later, a voice crackled over the spaceship radio. "Beam us the ambassador. We have set our ship to receive him, so don't bother to look for our location." "Goodbye, captain," murmured Hobbes, as he vanished in a beam of green light. A moment later, the brave Earth being found himself in an enormous chamber. As he would later learn, it was the control room of the spaceship Barney. "Turn around!" a voice commanded. He turned, and to his horror saw that deceptively beautiful face, the one everyone in the Calvinian empire knew. It was Susie herself...

The Susiode Wars: Part 4, Disaster
Author: Maetoshi (modified by Eagle of Austria)

"We have a proposal," said Susie. "Surrender half your empire, or else."

"Never!" shouted Hobbes, forgetting and overstepping himself. No one except the emperor Calvin himself had the right to make a large political decision on the spot. "We will not submit to your idiotic whims!"

"Very well then," cackled Susie. "Good riddance. But you, my fine tiger, will be staying with us as a hostage. See what fruits the tree of arrogance bears?"

"Regardless, madam," said Hobbes, his horror acting as a sedative, "it goes against all articles of war to keep a diplomat prisoner!"


Meanwhile, on the planet Snow World (the new headquarters of Santa Claus), all was silent. Snowflakes fell, blanketing the ground with tiny flakes. Dawn broke, revealing massive Calvinian fortifications. Giant forts, built of ice, towered into the sky. Powerful artillery, prepared to fire giant slushballs, dotted the land. Then the sky blackened. A gigantic fleet, with the Susiode emblem (a teacup) on the sides, descended. The artillery pieces opened fire, but to no avail. The ships' engines were waterproof, and the ships themselves had strong shock absorbers. Now the decadence and demilitarization into which the Calvinian empire had fallen was proving to be fatal!

The ships landed, crushing the towers of ice beneath them. No sooner did they land than they unleashed hordes of giant bunny-shaped androids. Although it was not known at the time, these were the all-mighty Mr. Buns, invincible robots equipped for almost any type of assault or defense. They blasted the ice walls into boiling puddles with their fire rays. A massive Calvinian army advanced to attack the androids, to no avail. They were tragically scorched to ashes too as the destruction continued. The future looked dim for the Calvinian empire.

The Susiode Wars: Part 5, The Traitor
Author: Eagle of Austria

Susie stood before Hobbes in his cell, along with her second in command, Lieutenant General Candace. "Well, Sergeant Hobbes, as you can see from the live visual recording we just showed you, your empire's army doesn't have a chance against us."

"Even if you captured a planet, it doesn't mean you'll win," growled Hobbes. "The outer star fleet alone outnumbers your fleet three ships to one."

"Exactly," said Susie, "which is why you are going to help us capture it."

"WHAT!? Betray my fleet and the Calvinian Empire? Never!"

"What has the empire ever done for you?"

"That's irrelevant."

"Now, here's the plan," began Candace.

"I told you, I'll never be part of this," protested Hobbes.

"Oh, and if you do a good job, I'll give you a tummy rub," Susie told Hobbes.

"At your service, ma'am!" The thought of a tummy rub somehow weakened Hobbes's sense of duty. Oh well, what can you expect from a feline?

"Much better. Now, here's the plan..."


The crew on the Slushball was in a panic. Where was Hobbes? Was there war? Was this their last day alive? Suddenly, Hobbes beamed on board. Captain Napalm greeted him, and then asked him about the nature of the meeting.

"It seems Susie is ready to take the territory she covets by force. Her fleet is advancing through the asteroid field of Deneb 4 as we speak."

"My God!" cried Captain Napalm, not pausing to think just how Hobbes might have obtained this information. "Lieutenant Plasma, signal the other ships of the navy to prepare for battle. We're going to Deneb 4. We'll make our stand behind the asteroid belt. Hobbes?"

"Yes sir?"

"Since we're short on officers (due to the end of draft during peace), I'll rate you acting third lieutenant."

"Thank you sir," said Hobbes, feeling a little guilty about the fact that he was leading the whole outer fleet into a trap.

The Susiode Wars: Part 6, The Ambush
Author: Eagle of Austria

Even with the state-of-the-art light reduction system of the Slushball, Hobbes had to squint to see as the fleet came out of hyper-space and into the glare of Deneb. The Slushball and the ships following her were not going to Deneb, but to one of its planets. A watery planet, a little smaller than our Earth, Deneb 4. It revolved around its star at a tremendous speed, completing its orbit every six days. Uniquely among the planets of Deneb, its orbit passed through Deneb's treacherous asteroid field. Needless to say, at the times it was inside the asteroid belt, it was a great place to hatch secret plans without being... interrupted. A great place indeed for Susiodes. The outer fleet was racing to stop the Susiodes from reaching it. And it looked like they had made it; there was not a Susiode in sight.

Since the Admiral of the fleet was on vacation, the command of the fleet had fallen to the captain of the flag ship. In other words, to Captain Napalm. Hobbes could tell that the old man regretted having the responsibility of the fleet on his shoulders. Before the day was out, he would regret it more than ever.

"Captain!" Hobbes called out. "We are nearing the asteroid field."

"Tell the fleet to disperse and then go through it one at a time. We'll regroup on the other side."

Scarcely had the fleet broken ranks when the second lieutenant called out. "Captain Napalm, our radar shows a large group of space vehicles approaching from behind us!"

"How big?"

"Very big. It could only be a fleet. We'd be able to see it by now if it weren't for Deneb's infernal glare."

"I know that. Acting Lieutenant Hobbes, get over here!"

"Yes Captain, sir?" said Hobbes, rushing over. Though his face remained impassive, he was really on the brink of hysteria, for what the second lieutenant had seen on the radar was indeed Susie's fleet. Everything was going according to plan. There was no hope of turning back now.

"I thought you said the Susiode fleet would approach from the far side of the star!" growled the Captain.

"I - I don't understand it," stammered Hobbes, trying his best to look confused.

"Never mind!" snapped the Captain. "Alert all ships, and regroup the fleet. We'll have to -"


The hull of the Slushball shook as it was hit by a blast of frapp ray. The Susiodes were upon them. "Too late," said the lieutenants simultaneously.

The Susiode Wars: Part 7, The First Battle
Author: Eagle of Austria

Since the Susiodes were attacking with Deneb to their backs, they had a huge advantage. They could see every one of the Calvinian ships, while the glare of Deneb made it almost impossible to see them. The Calvinians would have to rely almost entirely on their computers and radar. The Calvinians had their backs to the asteroid field. While this meant that no one could attack them from the rear, it also meant that they had no line of retreat. And they were scattered, while the Susiodes were in combat formation. In short, the Susiodes had every advantage imaginable.

As the Susiodes bore down on the flag ship Slushball, the crew was obviously feeling a little nervous. But not Captain Napalm. No, that brilliant commander had seen too much fighting in his day to be nervous. He panicked. "Lieutenant Plasma," he screamed, sounding like he'd swallowed a blimp-full of helium, "fire all weapons!"

"Yes sir! Under one condition."


"You stop running up and down the ship like a crazed hen!"

"Oh, okay. And send a report to the emperor, quickly! We need backup."

"No can do, sir. We lost our long-distance communications when that missile hit us."

"%@#&!!! All right, send a report to the nearest inhabited planet, and have them pass on the word."

"Yes sir. That would be Deneb 9, sir."

The Slushball's weapons were fired off blast after blast of light and flame. Frapp rays and proton torpedoes sent the light Susiode cruisers hurtling away as a horse's tail does flies.

"Sir!" called out the second lieutenant. "Our radar shows three massive ships coming toward us." Squinting, Hobbes could just see the "massive ships" through the Slushball's windows. Each one had nearly as many guns as the Slushball, one of the largest ships in the galaxy.

The Slushball was hard-pressed, and the ships near her had been destroyed in the surprise attack. Many of the Calvinian ships had flown into the asteroid field in panic, and been smashed. As the battle wore on, however, the Susiodes lost their advantage of surprise, and the superior quality of the Calvinian ships began to show. Two Susiode battleships were blown to smithereens by the Mercury, the second-biggest ship in the outer fleet. The Susiode fighters (similar to the STAR WARS X-Wings if you can't picture them) were overwhelmed by the numerically and technically superior Calvinian fighters. Slowly but surely, the tide was turning.

"Acting Lieutenant Hobbes," shouted Captain Napalm, "steer us toward that star destroyer and arm the neutron missiles. It's time we finished this scum off!"

Hobbes' response came slowly and icily. "We're going to do nothing of the sort." In a flash, he drew his laser pistol and aimed it at the captain. The crew, instinctively wanting to protect their commander, reached for their weapons. "Throw down your guns or I shoot him!" snarled Hobbes. Lieutenant Plasma stood thinking for a moment, then turned to the crew. "Do as he says," he commanded.

"Mr. Hobbes, you can't do this," protested Captain Napalm. "I am your captain!"

"You were my captain. Let's say you're handing the command over to me in view of dire circumstances," responded Hobbes, waving his laser threateningly.

"All right, all right. I resign my command and give it to you."

"Thank you. Now, crew, take this traitor to his cabin and chain him there." The crew had no choice but to obey. He was their captain now. They had to follow his orders. "Now get me contact with the big Susiode ship over there," was his next order. It was also blindly obeyed.

A moment later Susie and Candace appeared on the view screen. "I have taken command of the Slushball," announced Hobbes.

"Good, now call off the other ships!" insisted Susie. "We can't last much longer."

"I'm afraid I can't do that. You see, Captain Napalm only resigned his command of the ship to me. Not the command of the fleet."


"So they won't take orders from me."

Susie was about to utter a string of unprintable words when Candace asked, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the flag ship generate the power for the entire fleet in the Calvinian Navy?"

"Yes, of course. All the ships are powered from this fleet's generator. We use radio waves to send the energy and -"

"Don't tell me how it works, you stupid tiger! Just turn off the power!" snapped Susie.

"All right, all right," muttered Hobbes, and flipped a switch on the control board. As if by magic, the engines and weapons of every ship in the outer fleet shut off simultaneously. The ships floated helplessly.

Within the hour, the Susiodes had boarded them, linked up with them, and towed them off to an unknown destination. The only consolation the Slushball's crew felt was that they knew that Captain Napalm had sent a message to a nearby planet. And that planet had certainly sent one to the empire's capital. It would not be long before the Calvinian empire avenged this defeat. Right?

The Susiode Wars: Part 8, Galactic Mayhem
Author: Maetoshi

The Slushball landed in the docking bay of the Susiode Bunny Guard Fleet ship. Hobbes looked out into the middle of the mayhem of Susiode preparation for the (hopefully) upcoming battle with a powerful Calvinian force. He sighed a sigh of relief as his Commnet communicator to Rigel XVIII, the nearest Calvinian military world, crackled in the opening of a message.

The Calvinball Dome regions in Calvin's spacebound palace headquarters were the first to be hit. Gorkon Death Bombs plowed into the surface of the playing regions. Damage was minimal, but this was only a warning shot...

Rigel XVIII was a barren world at first, and it still was. It was overrun with Calvinian military operations. Factories pouring out weaponry, fighters, capital ships, frapp ray turrets, and the like. There were many planets like it across the galaxy. The entire planet was always poised for war, even in times of peace, especially in times of peace. And this was the destination of the Susiode fleet, a fact the forces on the ground were well aware of...

The Susiode Wars: Part 9, The Search
Author: Hugh Palmer

Calvin looked around at his empty control room. The few warning shots from the Susiode fleet surprised him, but he did not worry. He knew the Susiode fleet could never defeat him. He was bored. There was nothing to do. Oh what the heck, he thought. Calvin opened up a computer screen and started to play virtual Calvinball. He was so absorbed in the game that he did not notice Captain Nitro running in. "Sir, this is not the time to play games," said Captain Nitro.

"Uh, what? Games? Ha! What do you mean, games? I wasn't playing any games, heh heh," said Calvin nervously.

"Sir, I would like to read this message that came from Deneb 9. It seems to be an emergency message."

Calvin quickly skimmed the page. "WHAT!! The ship Slushball has been captured?! How can this be?"

"Apparently sir, Acting Lieutenant Hobbes had betrayed our fleet and shut down the other ships."

"Hmmmmm... somehow I'm not surprised. But there is no time to waste. We must conduct a search now. Send the starship Wagon along with a few escorts and scour this whole galaxy. Understood?"

"Yes sir!"

Back on the capital planet of the Susiodes... "Have you coaxed all the information out of that tiger?" asked Susie.

"Yes ma'am," said the attendant.

"Do you have the access codes to the disruptor shield on Rigel XVIII?"

"Yes ma'am," said the attendant.

"Good, you may dispose of the tiger."

"Hey!! Where's the tummy rub?" yelled Hobbes from the room. "A guy could use some goo... AAAAHHHHH!!" The floor opened up and Hobbes fell down into a large room. It was the Susiode Dungeons. It was the size of a Calvinball field and was very dank and dark. Hobbes suddenly saw movement.

"Wh-wh-who's there?" asked Hobbes more out of fright than curiosity. Hobbes slowly recognized the figure. It was Captain Napalm!! He and a few other officers were also in the dungeons.

"Well, well, well. Look who's here. Our little traitor," said Captain Napalm.

In her palace room, Susie laughed. She knew that with her stealth shield, none of her prisoners would ever reveal her planet's location to the Calvinians. It was time to plan the attack on Rigel XVIII...

The Susiode Wars: Part 10, The Siege Begins
Author: Maetoshi

The Bunny Guard ship flew over Rigel XVIII at the head of the massive Susiode fleet. "Proceed with standardized invasion techniques," Susie shouted into the shipwide intercom. The docking bays opened, and Mr. Bun Carriers dropped out, their deadly cargo prepared to deploy.

The Imperial Arsenal Cruiser Wagon was unusual for its ship type. The entire starship was mostly flat, in a hexagonal shape. The pyramid-like command tower was in the forward region of the ship, unlike standard issue Calvinian ships, in which it was centered above the bridge area. It had 400 blaster turrets, 60 high-power laser cannons, and 5 bomb arsenal bays (and counting). And now it stood at the head of a Calvinian fleet of over 2,000 warships, not counting fighters. This was about three quarters of the Calvinian fleet, as by now Calvin was well aware of the threat that was presented by the Susiode attack.

A vast Bun Walker army was now in place. They were laying waste to Rigel XVIII, devastating frapp rays blasting apart Calvinian troop installments. The Calvinian ground forces fiercely resisted, but to no avail. If the Calvinian fleet didn't arrive soon, the Susiodes would be able to dig in and stop the Calvinians with their own defenses...

The Susiode Wars: Part 11, Dogfight
Author: Maetoshi

Calvinian warships gathered, encircling the moon of Rigel XVIII. They were set in defensive positions against the oncoming Susiode fleet. The Susiode warships were outnumbered by about 5 to 2, but the fanatical crews were prepared, and convinced they could win the battle. The dogfight began, and frapp ray and laser fire criscrossed about all that was visible from the center. That was where the Slushball was placed, a decoy to fool the Calvinian fleet into its destruction. It was released, flying with its original crew (including Hobbes) placed on it. They were ordered by Susie to pretend to be docking with the Icy Black Hand of Death, or IBHD, an elite battleship of the Calvinian Battle Guard. "Proceed with landing," a computerized voice said. The Slushball lowered itself into the docking bay. Then it opened its bomb bay, unloading several guided missiles toward the battleship. The smaller ship escaped in time, but the IBHD was torn in half, and the two pieces plowed through the Calvinian fleet, tearing apart fighters and cruisers and thus creating more deadly missiles of debris. However, the Wagon was not in the battle. Instead, it was entering Rigel XVIII's atmosphere...

The Susiode Wars: Part 12, Endangerment
Author: Hugh Palmer

The Slushball was getting badly bombarded by stray frapp rays and space debris as the battle raged on above the planet Rigel XVIII.

"Sir! Shields down to 38 percent! We'll need to evacuate the ship in 4 minutes if the shields keep dropping at this constant rate!" said Lieutenant Plasma.

"Rrrrgggh! Lieutenant! Direct this ship out to sector G12!" balked Captain Napalm.

"I'm sorry sir, but the controls give only limited access to me. We need Sergeant Hobbes' fingerprints, er, pawprints, in order to activate the controls."

"Then reprogram it!"

"I'm sorry sir, but that would take more time than we have. We need Sergeant Hobbes in order to pilot us out of here."

"But who knows what he will do. He betrayed us!"

"Sir, he has been betrayed himself. I don't think he will still want to work for the Susiodes."

"Fine! Go get him!"

A minute later, Hobbes was brought to the deck. "Hobbes, I'm ordering you to pilot us to sector G12 promptly!"

Hobbes obediently took the ship's controls and started turning the ship around.

Back on the capital ship of the Susiodes, General Candace dashed into Susie's control room. "Ma'am, the starship Slushball is beginning to move!"

"I expected them to do that. Open fire on the ship!" said Susie.

"Another thing Ma'am, the planet Rigel XVIII has set up the disruptor shield."

"Don't worry, we'll easily deactivate that with our code. We'll deal with that later. For now, destroy that ship!"

Large lasers and missile arrays opened up and fired.

The Calvinians on Rigel XVIII thought they were safe. The disruptor shield was up and the Wagon was their backup ship. Little did they know...

The Susiode Wars: Part 13, Escape!
Author: Hugh Palmer

Sssssssss... BOOM! Massive frapp rays and torpedoes smashed into the Slushball. It stopped dead in its tracks. The engines were completely pulverized. "Sir! Shields are down and our engines are destroyed," yelled Lieutenant Plasma.

"NOOO! We'll never get out of here! Hobbes, fire all weapons at that ship NOW!" yelled Captain Napalm.

"Sir, they stripped us of our weapons when we were sent on the kamikaze mission."

"Can't we do anything to stop it?!" Just as he said that, a frapp ray landed on the middle of the ship. It punched a hole through armor plating.

"Captain! Hull breach in bunk room number 15!" yelled Plasma.

"Close all doors to that place now!" More frapp rays bombarded the ship, which went into critical condition.

"Sir, I suggest we launch the two probes we still have. They could smash into the ship causing a temporary distraction while we launch the escape pods," said Hobbes.

"Anything to get away, Plasma! Do what Hobbes says! Now quickly, let's get to th--" Ka-boom! Four mordo beams cut away a section of the ship. A large part of the ship flew off into space. Dead bodies floated around.

"Sir, most of the escape pods were in the section that was cut away! There are only 3 left in the back of the ship!" said Lieutenant Plasma.

"Quickly, make haste! Hobbes, Plasma, and any other ranking officers, come with me! Quickly!"

Several more people ran with Captain Napalm. They started to run towards the back of the ship, when a frapp ray smashed into the ship. The ceiling collapsed on half of the officers. "Quickly! We can't worry about them!" said Captain Napalm. More torpedoes landed near the core reactor of the ship.

"Core reactor in critical condition, core meltdown in 40 seconds starting now..." said the monotonous voice of the computer.

"We have no time! Run!!"

As they arrived at the escape pod bay, they saw that two of the escape pods were damaged. "Darn! Everybody try to squeeze in!" Just then, a frapp ray smashed a hole right in front of some of the officers. The ensuing vacuum sucked the rest of the officers into deep space. Captain Napalm tried to hold on, but couldn't. "Hobbes, go with Plasma and save yourself! Don't worry about me! Quickly, before air runs out!"

"But..." said Hobbes.

"DO IT!" As he yelled, he let go and got sucked into space.

"C'mon Hobbes," said Plasma.

Reluctantly they got into the escape pod. They fired up the engine and flew away. Five seconds after they left the ship, the famed Slushball of the Calvinian fleet exploded. Hobbes wiped a tear from his eye as he vowed revenge on the Susiodes.

The Susiode Wars: Part 14, The Turning Tide
Author: Eagle of Austria

The battle on Rigel XVIII raged on. Susiode General Jessica had sent the Zorgs, Susie's most powerful warriors, to attack the Calvinians' main defenses. A thousand death rays fired from the Calvinian trenches. Several Zorgs fell, but hundreds more continued to charge towards the trenches. The Calvinian beam cannons opened fire, but most of the Zorgs were able to dodge. They fired their own huge rifles, and tore the Calvinian front line to pieces. It seemed that they couldn't be stopped...

Then suddenly there were some blinding flashes in the sky. Several missiles flew toward the Zorgs and exploded in mid-air. Laser beams showered the enemy lines. When the dust cleared, the Zorgs had been wiped out. The Calvinian flagship Wagon hovered above the battlefield. Emperor Calvin looked down from a window and smiled. The Susiode soldiers were no match for the Wagon's guns. At that moment several columns of Gurls began advancing from the Susiode lines.

"Use the mordo ray to wipe out those freaks!" Calvin ordered. The Wagon fired a dazzling blast right at the Gurls. A shriek rang out from the enemy. When the dust cleared... the Gurls were still there. They continued moving forward, slowly, stupidly, firing their death blasters all the while. The Calvinian army fell back before their inexorable advance.

"We can't stop them!" cried an officer on board the Wagon.

"Of course we can stop them," snapped Calvin. "Prepare to launch every nuclear missile in the ship at those freaks!"

"But sir, those missiles might end up killing our own troops too."

"Don't question me!" roared the Emperor. "Fire!"


Meanwhile, up in space, Admiral Spiff was fighting his own battle against Susiode Admiral Candace. The battle was going well for the Calvinians. Although they had lost a few ships, they had also succeeded in surrounding the smaller Susiode fleet. Spiff was about to give the order to move in for the kill, when one of his officers ran to him with a report. "Sir, some new battleships have appeared!"

"Are they our ships, or Susiode ships?" demanded the admiral.

"It's hard to say, sir. They're shaped like our ships, but they're painted pink!"

Sure enough, it was the fleet the Susiodes had captured at the beginning of the war. Only now the ships were painted pink, and manned by Zorgs and Susiode humans instead of Calvinians. "Wipe them out before they can get any closer!" ordered Admiral Spiff. "Blow those ships out of the sky!"

"We can't do that, sir. Our computer recognizes them as Calvinian ships, so it won't let us fire on them!"


Back on Rigel XVIII, the mushroom clouds were slowly dispersing, to reveal the corpses of several hundred Gurls. Miraculously, almost the entire Calvinian army had escaped the blast. Having lost most of their alien allies, the Susiodes fell back to their landing ground, and set up camp. The Calvinian soldiers were too exhausted to go after them.

After giving his crew a few hours rest, Calvin maneuvered the Wagon towards the Susiode camp. He planned to use the ship's remaining ammunition to wipe out Jessica and her sorry army. Suddenly the crew began pointing and waving towards the sky. Calvin followed their eyes, and looked up into Rigel XVIII's thin atmosphere. Two huge Susiode battle ships were flying down toward the Wagon.

The Susiode Wars: Part 15, Calvinians Surrounded
Author: Eagle of Austria

Up in space, the Calvinians were taking heavy fire. "Are you sure there's no way we can fire back at their reinforcements!?" screamed Admiral Spiff.

"No way at all, sir. We've lost three ships. We'd better get out of here, now, before we're destroyed."

The admiral sighed. "All right, tell the battleship Pine Cone to help us cover the fleet's retreat."



On Rigel XVIII, the Calvinians were no better off. Two Susiode frigates were rapidly coming down from the sky. "How much ammunition do we have left?" demanded the emperor.

"Not much," answered the captain of the Wagon. "But we still have enough to take out, um, one of those ships."

"That's no good, then the other would finish us off!" snapped Calvin. "Fire on them both. Maybe we can disable them."

"But sir-"

"DO IT!"

The Wagon unleashed all of its fire power on the two Susiode ships. Frapp and explode-o-rays shot up into the air with deadly accuracy. The Calvinians on the surface fired their cannons, too. One of the Susiode ships spun out of control, and crashed on the surface of Rigel XVIII, exploding. The other looked badly damaged, but kept a steady course.

"We're out of ammunition!" screamed an officer on the Wagon.

Calvin was in shock. "This can't be," he whispered as the Susiode ship came closer. "I shouldn't have to die like this." At that moment the Susiode ship turned around and flew back into space...


The Calvinian fleet had outmaneuvered the Susiodes, and was now outrunning them. Spiff's ship, the Sled, and the battleship Pine Cone, which had been covering the fleet, were about to join in the retreat, when a huge Susiode battle ship came flying towards them at high speed.

The face of Admiral Candace appeared on the Sled's view screen. "You don't stand a chance against us. Both of your ships are crippled from the fight. Surrender or be destroyed."

"Never!" cried Spiff. "Your nefarious, zogwarg-like scheme will never-"

"Shut up," groaned Candace. At that moment the Susiode mother ship fired a dozen missiles at the Pine Cone, destroying it.

"Now unless you want to end up like that, surrender!" screamed the Susiode admiral.

"DAMN YOU!" screamed Spiff, and cut off the transmission. "Fire all our remaining missiles!" he ordered his crew.

The missiles flew towards the Susiode ship, but were deflected by its magnetic shield. It then fired some crippling laser blasts at the Sled. "Admiral, one more hit like that and we're dead!" screamed one of the officers, as the Sled was hit.

"Load our beam cannon to two hundred percent. Yes, I know that will wreck the cannon, but it should destroy the Susiode ship. Their shields can't be that strong."

Candace appeared on the ship's view screen again. "Are you prepared to surrender?"

"Never!" said Spiff. "You should be the one surrendering."

"What do you mean!?" asked Candace. "You guys are finished."

"Don't underestimate us!" snapped the admiral. "Fire the cannon!" he ordered his crew.

In a dazzling blast of white light the cannon fired, totally dismembering the Susiode ship, and killing everyone on board.

On board the Sled, there was pandemonium. Everyone was running around, screaming victory cries, when Spiff suddenly noticed a ship approaching them from Rigel XVIII's atmosphere. "We're under attack!" he screamed. "Do any of our weapons still work?"

"No sir, that last shot ruined them."

"Then power up the shields. I don't want a single shot to get through."

"Um, sir, I don't think they're planning to shoot at us-"

A moment later, the Susiode ship kamikaze-crashed into the Sled.


Calvin watched sadly as the Sled was destroyed. Admiral Spiff had been a personal friend. A solitary tear ran down his cheek. Then he collected himself. "Well, I guess this means we need a new admiral," he said to one of his officers.


The victorious Susiode fleet blockaded Rigel XVIII, and the Calvinian army began to starve. In the end, Calvin decided to escape on the Wagon, taking as many troops with him as would fit on the ship. The rest, about two thirds of the army, were left behind to be taken prisoner by the Susiodes. It looked like the Calvinian empire was doomed.

The Susiode Wars: Part 16, The Plan
Author: Hugh Palmer

The remaining Calvinians put up a valiant fight but most of the soldiers were starved and too tired to fight. Eventually they surrendered or were killed. Susie cackled from her capital ship. Everything was going perfectly according to plan. "Since Candace is dead, I will appoint you as second in command," she said to Jessica. "I also want the planet completely scoured, and bring me anything that is interesting." A week passed, and vast amounts of blueprints for ships, as well as treasures and other artifacts, were put in front of Susie. "Take these blueprints and use them to make some ships. I want 100,000 fighter types, 1000 cruiser types and 5000 any other class." The officer bowed and walked out.

"These treasures you can divide among the troops. As for these artifacts-- Ah... what's this?" Susie picked up a staff. It had the emblem of an eye in the middle. Also the top part of it was shaped like a brain.

"OH MY GOD! It's the staff of Nollij! With this I can have ultimate power!" She quickly put the staff into her hands and pointed towards a nearby officer. She concentrated and tried to think. The tip of the staff glowed red, then blue, then white. A beam of white light entered the officer's head. His head suddenly overloaded with information he did not know, all kinds of formulas, equations and other things. In a fraction of a second his head blew up. She then pointed towards an electronic lock on a treasure chest. As the white light entered the lock, too much information overloaded its circuits and completely destroyed it. "This is just what I need!" She laughed a high-pitched laugh.


On the robot planet of Calvasia, Calvin was contemplating his losses. He had lost his biggest production planet and he also had lost his best admiral, Spiff. He wanted to attack immediately, but he had few infantry, vehicles and officers. The Wagon was the only good ship they had at the moment. The Sled, the Slushball, the IBHD, and the Pine Cone were all destroyed. He had to speed up progress on the capital ship Calvin. The thought of the Mercury occurred in his head, but then he remembered that it had been taken by the Susiodes. Suddenly the computer spoke up. "Escape pod approaching airport. It appears to be Calvinian."

Calvin asked, "Can you identify the people on the pod?"

"They appear to be Lieutenant Plasma and Sergeant Hobbes."

"Let Plasma in. As for Hobbes, put him into custody. We can't afford him to screw us up again," said Calvin. He quickly left the control room to talk to his master strategist Major General Bullet.


"All right, what we will do is attack and capture a nearby supply station planet near Calvasia and then make a relay point to attack the Calvinians. We need to do this in less than a week to catch them off guard. Understood?" said Susie.

"Yes ma'am!"

"Good, then start the plan."

The Susiode Wars: Part 17, Under Siege
Author: Hugh Palmer

The supply station was on the planet H-15. It was actually a pretty small planet. The size of Pluto actually. It had massive amounts of minerals and thus was valuable to all Calvinians who came by. It also had a small prison with a certain person, er... tiger inside.

Hobbes looked through the prison cell window. He sighed. He wished he could go out and pounce on someone. He was bored.

"Anything unusual happening?" asked Captain Nitro, head of the station.

"No sir, nothing so far, as it's been in the past two years. Hey, what's this!?"

"What is it?"

"It is a massive cruiser type ship with at least a hundred others with it and they appear to be Susiode!"

"Set up defense systems immediately!"

The Susiode ships started to fire upon the Calvinian defenses, pulverizing them. Slushball artillery launched giant slushballs, only damaging small-class ships. The small airforce on the planet launched ship after ship at them, but to no avail. The capital ship pulverized each of them as they came out. The other Susiode ships started to fire on the mining stations and the prison compounds.

"You might as well surrender now, Calvinians! You cannot win!" said Jessica on the capital ship. The Calvinians were in a desperate situation...

The Susiode Wars: Part 18, A Hero
Author: Hugh Palmer

"Surrender, Calvinians, or you will all perish!" yelled Admiral Jessica from the capital ship.

The supply station had activated its disrupter shield, temporarily buying them some time. Captain Nitro was now giving orders. "All right, out of our remaining fighters, about ten will draw the attention from the ships. We will then launch N2 (non-nuclear) mines straight into the middle of that ship. The blast should destroy it." "Yes sir!"

"Admiral Jessica, the Calvinians have put up their disrupter shields." "Don't worry, concentrate all of our fire power on the power plants. Without power they are hopeless." "Yes ma'am!" All the ships rotated and fired phospho bombs at the power plants. They penetrated the disrupter shield and pulverized the power plants.

"Captain! Our shields have been neutralized! There is no power left!" cried the officer. "All right! Launch every one of our ships at the Susiodes! We'll need as much distraction as possible in order to launch the N2 mines manually!" The remaining 24 fighters on the planet put up a valiant fight but were all cut down by the superior capital ships of the Susiodes. Only 11 were left after just a few minutes.

Hobbes heard a large boom when the lights suddenly gave out. He crept to the window and saw outside large Susiode ships attacking the main compound. "Susiodes!" He dashed to the door, and found that the electronic lock was out. He slowly crept outside his cell. All guards were gone, and red emergency lights were on as if it were some kind of horror movie. He walked slowly, expecting something to jump out any moment. He reached the main compound. He looked through the door window and saw all the officers in vain trying to lift the large N2 mine onto a catapult. "Wait, wait! Don't do that!" Captain Nitro whirled around and saw Hobbes running toward them. "Hobbes, what are you doing here!? How did you escape?!" "No time for that, just stop what you are doing!" yelled Hobbes. "Why? You want us to surrender to the Susiodes?" Craaack! Boom! A large particle beam destroyed the catapult. A large gun had opened up from the capital ship. "That's why! If that beam had destroyed the mine it would have destroyed us!" "Hmph, so what do you propose we do now then?" inquired Nitro. "I'll go out in a ship. I think I know how to destroy that beam cannon." "Well, your death is of no concern to us, but another ship gone is going to be our downfall." "That's too bad, I'm going." Hobbes ran off to the docking bay.

"That's funny, you'd think they'd surrender by now," said Admiral Jessica. "No matter, we'll just have to take it by force. Open fire on the main compound!" The capital ship charged up its beam cannon.

Hobbes directed his ship toward the main front of the capital ship. He had only one chance to get this right. "Susiodes! Turn back now or you will be destroyed!" yelled Hobbes over the intercom. "Hah! What does a tiger know about fighting? Look, all you have is a small fighter ship!" "That is plenty to destroy your ship." "Ha! Well, now watch your friends die! Fire on the main compound!" The beam cannon charged up. Hobbes put his finger around the death ray trigger. A millisecond before the beam cannon fired, Hobbes clicked the button. The death ray blast caused a back fire in the beam cannon. The front half of the capital ship exploded, and the rear end crashed into the ground. The other Susiodes that weren't caught in the blast turned and fled. It was a true Calvinian victory.

A few hours later, the personnel at the supply station held a victory celebration bringing Hobbes back into the army. "Sir! A transmission is coming in!" "Who is it?" asked Captain Nitro. "We're still trying to figure that out, sir." "Well, play it anyway." The face of Susie appeared on the screen. Everyone turned their heads. "Be warned Calvinians, this will be your last victory!"

The Susiode Wars: Part 19, Hobbes the Traitor
Author: Eagle of Austria

The Susiode fleet hovered above supply station H-15.

Susie watched from her command bridge as Admiral Jessica was dragged off to be executed. She turned to her assistant, a very big rabbit named Mr. Bun. "Who would have thought that a division of the Calvinian fleet would be hiding on such a small supply station?" she mused. "Then again, I suppose after the beating we gave them they're lucky to have anywhere to hide."

"What do we do now, your grandness?" growled Mr. Bun.

Susie raised the Staff of Nollij over her head. Its rays shone down on her, inspiring her new diabolical plan. "They've used up all their weapons down there. Deploy some troops, and tell them to kill everything they find."


Down on H-15 the celebrations continued. Captain Nitro got up to make a speech. "My friends!" he began. "My dear friends. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Lieutenant Hobbes for his spectacular performance in battle, and to grant him a full pardon!"

The crowd began to cheer -- but was cut off by a cold, angry voice. "It is not your place to pardon the traitor Hobbes, Captain Nitro." A holographic image of Calvin appeared in the middle of the room. He looked furious.

"But surely, your highness-" began Captain Nitro.

"Hobbes betrayed the Calvinian empire, and betrayed me," Calvin hissed, his voice icy with rage. "I don't care whether or not he saved a little supply station. He is still a traitor. Lock him up, and prepare for his execution. He will be hanged in public tomorrow at ten, along with Moe and Rosalyn. Their deaths will show Susie what happens to all my enemies."

With that, the hologram of Calvin faded. Captain Nitro had never seen the emperor so angry before. After a moment, he turned to Hobbes. "Sorry, Hobbes, but the emperor has spoken. You're under arrest."

Hobbes gasped in shock and protest as soldiers surrounded him. But before he could be arrested, laser beams tore through the room. "We're under attack!" voices screamed.


Hideous Zorg soldiers easily overcame the Calvinian guards on H-15. Captain Nitro tried to rally his men for a last stand, but was crushed under the heel of a Zorg lieutenant. Every last Calvinian on H-15 was slaughtered. How ironic that they had been celebrating victory only a few minutes ago...


Up in space, Susie noticed a small object leaving the surface of supply station H-15. "Mr. Bun," she asked casually, "is that what I think it is?"

"It is a Calvinian space ship," the rabbit-monster growled.

"Goodness," said Susie, her voice rippling with evil laughter. "I thought I told those Zorgs to kill everyone. Looks like I'll have to punish them..."

"Shall we destroy the escaping ship?" asked Mr. Bun.

"Send another ship after it," said Susie carelessly.


On board the escaping Calvinian ship, Hobbes paced back and forth, alone. Hobbes had run for his life the instant the Zorgs had appeared. Were he a Calvinian soldier, he would have stayed and died with his comrades.

But he was no longer a Calvinian soldier. His emperor, his old friend, had called him "traitor". Even after Hobbes had risked his life fighting the Susiodes, he was nothing more than a "traitor". He was finished with the Calvinians once and for all!

Suddenly, the ship's alarm sounded. Hobbes looked back and saw a huge Susiode ship chasing him. "Oh damn," he said to himself.

The Susiode Wars: Part 20, Calm Before the Storm
Author: Eagle of Austria

As he fled from the pursuing Susiode ship, Hobbes reflected on the war he was caught up in. It had been about a week since it began. In that time, he had been captured by the Susiodes and served them. Then he had rejoined the Calvinian side, only to be labeled a traitor by Emperor Calvin, and sentenced to death.

An attack by the Susiodes had given Hobbes a chance to escape, but now they were chasing him, trying to kill him. The shifting tides of war had convinced Hobbes of one thing. He would run from the Susiodes, and run from the Calvinians, and run away from this idiotic war. He no longer wanted any part in it. But how long could he run and stay alive?


Emperor Calvin was holding an emergency meeting with his advisors on the robot planet Calvasia. Stupendous Man, his top general, was there. So was his chief spy, Tracer Bullet.

"Here's the plan," the young emperor said. "We will sacrifice all the planets we still control. I don't care if the Susiodes destroy them and massacre their inhabitants. We don't have enough forces to protect the empire.

"So, I will call all our remaining troops to Calvasia. Here we will fight a last battle against the Susiodes, to determine the fate of the galaxy. Stupendous Man!"

"Yes, your majesty?" responded the general promptly.

"I have found some designs for weapons that will be able to take out Susie's allies, the Gurls and the Zogwargs. I expect these weapons to be ready in one week."

With that, Calvin handed Stupendous Man some drawings.

Though the "designs" looked very much like giant robots from a comic book, Stupendous Man said nothing. He knew better than to question his emperor.

Emperor Calvin went on laying out his plans. "If we defeat the Susiodes, I want their retreat from Calvasia to be cut off. So I'm sending you, Agent Tracer Bullet, to infiltrate their base of operations. Free all the Calvinian prisoners you find, and use them to take control of the base. Any questions?"

There were none.


Aboard her mother ship, Susie was making plans too. "Calvin's army may have survived, but there can't be more than a few ships left in his navy," she said to Admiral Jessica and her right-hand rabbit, Mr. Bun. "We will overrun the Calvinian empire, then surround Calvasia and destroy it from space. Any questions?"

No one was brave enough to ask any.


In a different part of the galaxy, a small but powerful fleet had gathered. It was a pirate fleet. The fleet of the dread pirate Charlie. Charlie had preyed on Calvinian merchants for years. The war between Calvin and Susie had no interest for him, unless he thought he could profit from it.

The pirate fleet had surrounded and captured a Susiode supply ship. "Blast you pirates!" screamed a Susiode officer as she was led to her dungeon cell. "The vengance of the Susie will descend upon you."

"Bring it on," said Charlie in a dry, sarcastic voice. "We could take out your whole military in less than twelve parsecs."

Charlie turned to his first mate. "Did you check the ship's computer?" he asked, a glimmer of hope entering his world-weary eyes.

"Yes sir. I'm sorry, but there was nothing in it about your girlfriend."

The glimmer of hope faded. Every time Charlie captured a ship, he searched it to try to find some clue about where his girlfriend, his beloved Rosalyn, had disappeared to. She had vanished without a trace when Calvin conquered her part of the galaxy. Besides money, the only thing Charlie really cared about was being reunited with Rosalyn.

Maybe next time, Charlie told himself sadly. He turned, and started barking orders to his crew.

The Susiode Wars: Part 21, An Old Friend or Foe?
Author: Maetoshi

The inner hub of the Calvinian Empire fell very quickly. As Calvin's navy withdrew to Calvasia, entire planets were often conquered by scouting parties rather than the main Susiode fleets. Susiode carriers unloaded thousands of buildings which descended upon ruined cities, building outposts and regional capitols in a matter of hours. Within two weeks, almost all the Calvinian Empire had fallen. All that remained were the fortress worlds. The fortress worlds were an ingenious design. They were giant mechanical stations the size of entire planets. And every cubic inch of that was needed for their complex defenses: replicators to eliminate food problems, perpetual motion drives to power their entire systems essentially forever, shields that changed frequency every few seconds to prevent conquest by espionage. Calvasia was the greatest of these fortress worlds. And now it would soon become the last, as all the others were abandoned and gutted of essential systems, leaving only great shells to stand as a monument to the loss of Calvin's power.

Calvin brooded in his throne room reading these reports. Angry, he pressed the button in his hand, detonating the cryo-cells of Moe and Rosalyn that had been brought before him. Something seemed odd... but Calvin shrugged it off. He retreated to his bedchamber in the core of Calvasia, a smug look on his face.

Several hours later, a voice awoke him. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and clutching his blaster pistol in case another monster hive had grown underneath his bed. "Don't bother," said a strangely familiar voice. Calvin hit the switch, and a light flickered on. There before him stood... Rosalyn, looking slightly older than the way he remembered her. "WHAT! You're dead! I killed you myself!" Rosalyn smiled. "You're losing your edge, Emperor Calvin. If you still had the cunning that put you on the throne, you'd have known that people age in cryocells, and neither I nor Moe looked old. And you'd have sensed a simulcrum a zarog away." "A what? How did you get out anyway? Tell me, or I'll shoot you now." "Oh no," said Rosalyn, grinning even wider. "You won't want to imprison me or shoot me after you hear what I have to say..."

The Susiode Wars: Part 22, Double Agent
Author: Maetoshi

"Eleven years ago, I was imprisoned, one year after you became Emperor," Rosalyn began. "I was 28 then. I am now 40, in case you can't do the math. Your trusted 'friend', Admiral Nitro, released me six years into my imprisonment." "But there was no Admiral Nitro." "That is what you would have everyone believe, Calvin. You actually erased his name from all archives after he killed a guard in the central prison quadrant. You accused him of attempting to free me, demoted him to captain, and banished him to H-15. As it turned out, you were correct. He successfully freed me and placed simulcrums, complex holographic illusions, in my cell and in Moe's." "Why Moe's cell as well?" "Because," Rosalyn continued, "it would look odd if one cell contained a young prisoner and another an old prisoner, when both were put in at the same time. After my release, I used the same hologram system to disguise my appearance. I joined the Calvinian Officer Corps, and with help from many double agents of mine in your trusted circle of admirals, rose to become governor of the Snow World of Sirius XI. There I remained until the Susiode attacks came." Calvin was impatient. "So now I know how you got out and where you were. You said you had USEFUL information?" "Yes I do," said Rosalyn. "Dress yourself, gather your admirals, and meet me in the War Room. Don't bother telling them I'm alive, most of them already work for me anyway." "So... what are you going to tell me?" said Calvin in a very annoyed voice, climbing out of bed. "What your empire needs to survive, Calvin, is a mighty army and a stronger navy. And I know where you can get both..."

The Susiode Wars: Part 23, The Focus
Author: Maetoshi

"Now," said Rosalyn, addressing Calvin's cabinet, "as you hopefully all know, we are in dire straits here. Calvasia will be surrounded by over 8000 Susiode capital ships in approximately 36 hours. To respond to this, I propose we gather our remaining ships and mount an offensive." "An offensive?" Admiral Stupendous Man shouted. "We barely have a tenth of the Susiode force!" "Exactly. And that's why we won't be attacking the Susiode fleet. Our new focus in this campaign will be this." A holo-generator in the middle of the table turned on, and slowly rotating was the image of a small planet. It was completely covered in a glacier of snow and ice. A few large cities were clearly visible around the equator. "This is Sirius XI, the first world to fall to the Susiode assault. But before that, I was the Imperial Calvinian governor of the planet. It is currently the primary ground base of Susiode operations in this sector. But that's not why I want this planet. When I was governor of Sirius XI, I stumbled upon an ultra-secret research lab left when the planet was taken from the Moesies.

"As far as we have known, all lifeforms are carbon-based, except for the silicon-based Zogwargs and Gurls. But this lab was an attempt to re-engineer some native species to make a HYDROGEN-based lifeform designed from water, frozen and softened into a state in which it could function as a sentient, humanoid being." "So what you're saying," said Calvin, pointing to the image of the planet, "is that this place contains the secret to building a living, moving army of... snowmen?" Rosalyn nodded.

Above the real-life version of the hologram model, a small cargo ship, disguised but once a Calvinian destroyer, descended into the atmosphere. Former Sergeant Hobbes sat aboard, pondering. He couldn't escape the war: If he left occupied space, pirates would attack. If he tried to use a warp tube to leave, he could never return or see anything of humanity or tigerkind again. So he figured he would settle down on an occupied planet, and live as a civilian again. Military life had harmed him too much to return. Little did he know how much military activity was about to assault this peaceful-looking planet.