Welcome to SPIFF

The SPIFF front page
What's new in SPIFF
FoxTrot stories
Calvin and Hobbes stories
Miscellaneous stories
Wanna write a story?
History of the FTDA and C&HDA
Jinx Notation
Important links
FoxTrot Jumpstation

How It Should Have Ended

wacko2's notes

This is the first post actually resembling a fanfic that I could find in the annals of the C&HDA. This strange tale was posted in the C&HDA by Roy Johnson on October 23, 1996. However, Roy didn't write the story; he actually borrowed it from Usenet. The original author was Charles Don Hall who posted it to rec.arts.comics.strips on November 27, 1995, before the Calvin and Hobbes strip had even finished its run in the newspapers! Be warned, this tale has some gruesome twists lifted right out of Shakespeare's play "Hamlet"...

How C&H Will End
(C&HDA title: How It Should Have Ended)
Author: Charles Don Hall

IMHO, there's only one possible ending for the strip. It would have to take place over the course of several days:

Calvin's dad dies, and after a disgracefully short period of time, his mom marries Uncle Max. Calvin imagines that he's visited by his father's ghost, who reveals that Max murdered him. He asks Calvin to avenge his death.

Calvin starts acting increasingly erratic. Miss Wormwood goes over to his house to discuss his attitude with his mother. While they talk, Miss Wormwood looks out the window and sees Calvin coming up the front walk. Figuring that six hours a day is more than enough time to spend with him, she decides to hide behind a curtain until he leaves.

Calvin storms in the door and begins berating his mother for incestuously marrying her husband's brother. He sees motion behind the curtain. Thinking that Max is spying on him, he throws a snowball-with-a-rock-inside at the curtain. Miss Wormwood falls to the ground, her skull crushed.

Distraught over the death of her favorite teacher, Susie Derkins throws herself into the creek and drowns.

Max is disturbed at this course of events, and decides to get rid of Calvin. He makes a parcel-bomb, and asks Calvin to deliver it to his principal. His plan is for Calvin and the principal to both be blown up. Knowing Calvin's distaste for school, the authorities will assume that Calvin built the bomb himself and not investigate.

On his way to school, Calvin runs into Rosalyn the babysitter and her boyfriend Charlie. He asks them to deliver the package for him. Rosalyn, Charlie and the principal are all killed in the ensuing explosion, but Calvin is blocks away and is unharmed.

Max realizes that Calvin will soon connect him with the explosion, and decides that he must act quickly. He gives Calvin a pocketknife and encourages him to pick a fight with Moe, the school bully. Unknown to Calvin, Max has also given a knife to Moe... this one with a poisoned blade. To be doubly safe, he adds the poison to a box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and puts it in the cupboard. Even if Calvin somehow survives the knife fight, he'll die the next morning at breakfast.

Calvin and Moe get into a fight, and Calvin is stabbed. In the struggle, he manages to exchange blades with Moe, and to stab Moe with the poisoned blade. As the poison starts to take effect, Calvin realizes that Max betrayed him, and with his last breath, he plunges the knife deep into Max's chest.

Upon hearing the news, Calvin's mom feels faint, and decides to have a bowl of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs to give her enough energy to get through the next few hours. The poison kills her as well.

In the final strip, Hobbes says something cynical about human beings, and walks away from the carnage, not looking back.