SPIFF: You Know You Like Calvin and Hobbes Too Much When...

Welcome to SPIFF

You Know You Like Calvin and Hobbes Too Much When...

You Know You Like Calvin and Hobbes Too Much When...
Authors: Started by Laura, contributed to by various people

You are named after a philosopher.
You have a club named G.R.O.S.S.
Rhymes come to mind when you see cats sleeping.
You have a stuffed tiger named Hobbes.
Your tiger eats a boy named Tommy Chestnut.
You go to the Jurassic period regularly.
You duplicate yourself.
Your duplicate makes duplicates.
You get stuck as an owl, because your transmogrifier gun broke.
You have a transmogrifier gun.
The girl next door plays lacrosse.
It's hard to tell the difference between your hair and a dyed polar bear hide.
You spend countless hours playing with a cardboard box while thinking you're travelling through time.
Every time you try to go through the front door, you come equipped with lots of pads and life insurance.
You need a guardian angel to survive a trip down a hill.
There is more water on the floor than in the tub after a bath.
Your hair does not look different after a day in a hat.
You make complex snowman sculptures, when there isn't enough snow to close school for.
You can recite the entire Yukon Song... backwards... in French...
...and Italian... and German...
You run around the house wearing a cape and calling yourself Stupendous Man.
You start talking to your stuffed animals and you ask them to eat your worst enemy.
Whenever a crime is committed in your house, you pretend you're a private eye named Tracer Bullet.
People are not surprised when you run naked in the yard.
You hate anything that builds character, and you absolutely detest the phrase "It'll build character".
You dress up like Stupendous Man, and make your babysitter chase you.
You make snowman effigies of people you hate.
You go to school with a wacky hairdo and you tell people your pet tiger did your hair.
You tell people you turned into an elephant to memorize your spelling words.
Everyone looks like aliens.
You can tell it's your house in the winter by the snowman.
You try to bring snowmen to life, and they nearly kill you.
You starred in a comic strip that ran for 10 years.
You have trouble determining the difference between a desk and the ship of Spaceman Spiff.
Your teacher is named after a C.S. Lewis character.
People are making up lists like this one about you.
You actually contribute to these lists.
You've seceded from your family, and are heading to the Yukon!
Before you get there, you turn back because you had a fight with your tiger.
You prefer cop shows to Shakespeare, because cops talk like "real people".
You constantly scream, "Just what are you insinuating?"
You constantly turn your lunch into gross things.
You don't answer math questions because they are against your religious principles.
You get spasms every time someone mentions the words "It builds character".
You're reminded of the movie "Terminator 2" every time you see your babysitter.
Your Bizarre-o-tron on your little red spaceship is reading low.
Your name is Ryan Ferneau, and you imagine you're Destructo-tiger.
You tell your teacher your stuffed tiger ate your homework.
You tell your teacher you couldn't do your homework because your parents forgot to pay the gravity bill.
You try to collect fifty bugs in five minutes for your bug collection project that you were supposed to work on all month.
You start writing stuff about how you know someone too well when you start doing things like them.
You stay the same age for several years.
You bury your dad's wallet and call it buried treasure.
Your mother and father have no real first names.
You sold the Earth to two aliens named Galaxoid and Nebular for 50 leaves.
The last anyone saw of you was on a toboggan with your tiger friend.
You regularly fly wagons and sleds off of cliffs.
The monsters under your bed talk to you.
You discover old junk and call it fossils.
You have an extremely complex vocabulary at age 6.
You add an ethicator to your duplicator.
Your bike tries to kill you.
You brought a snowman to life, and it mutated.
Your dad is against TV.
The bully at your school is afraid of your tiger.
You wear a mask on the back of your head to prevent tiger attacks.
You did something people call "The Noodle Incident".
You constantly think you are a dinosaur.
The good girl in class passes notes.
Your TV got stolen, then mysteriously reappeared a few weeks later.
You hate going camping.
The number of bases in your ball games is in double digits.
Your dad tells you weird "facts".
You think bats are bugs.
You can't add 3 and 4 without coming up with three billion gazillion.
Your favorite book is Mabel Syrup's "Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie".
You assume you're a genius.
You always bring something weird to Show and Tell.
Monsters live under your bed.
You write messages to planes in the yard.
You once hid in the chimney to avoid a bath.
Your favourite cereal is Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs.
You can't stand girls.
Year after year, you stay in first grade.
You make conversations into competitions.
You have the name "can I help it if I'm in love with Calvin?"
You think Calvin is the most adorable kid you have ever seen.
You really can't stand girls.
You forget your bug collection and have to do it all while you wait for the bus.
You pretend that you're being eaten by a "snow snake".
On your computer, you have a Calvin and Hobbes desktop screen... and startup screen... and "waiting to shut down" screen... and shutdown screen...
You are building a site dedicated to Calvin and Hobbes.
You have 50+ links to different Calvin and Hobbes sites on your web site... and it's not even on the internet yet!
Your club named G.R.O.S.S. has secret code names like "Dictator-for-Life Calvin" and "First Tiger Hobbes".
You pretend that you are being eaten by a snowman.
You pretend that the snowman you built has come to life, made more snowmen, and is building an army that is out to get you!
You actually believe it.
You are featured in 16 books with the names Calvin and Hobbes in them.
You own every one of these books.
You have Calvin and Hobbes clocks on your computer.
You are actually reading all of the reasons here.
You are up till one in the morning putting Calvin and Hobbes screens on your computer.
You get your face caught in the chain on your bike.
You think that your bike is out to get you.
Your bike really IS out to get you.
You hate a girl, specifically named Susie, and a kid named Moe who is always stealing money from you and beating you up.
You are constantly being pounced on by a toy tiger named Hobbes.
You believe that he is alive.
He really IS alive.
The only thing you ever read is Calvin and Hobbes books.
You believe that they make you smarter.
You hate school so much, just like Calvin, that they really ARE making you smarter.
You have at least five Calvin and Hobbes games on your website.
Your website with those games isn't even on the internet yet.
Your tiger, Hobbes, thinks static electricity makes your hair stand straight up.
You rub your toy tiger's tummy all the time.
Your shoes look like dinner rolls.
Your dad reads "Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie" to you every night.
You want to buy "Commander Coriander Salamander and 'er Singlehander Bellylander".
The girl across the street from you is named Susie Derkins.
You are named Susie Derkins.
You don't have a last name.
You don't have a first OR last name, you are just called "Dad" or "Mom".
You don't want to learn about snakes just because it is summer until your tiger Hobbes says that it counts as fun if nobody makes you do it.
You misspell "Weltanschauung" in an artist statement of your own.
Hobbes is the person who tells you that.
Somebody tells you that if a snake bites you and you die, it's poisonous.
Someone named Hobbes told you that.
You are unaware that Hobbes is a toy tiger.
Your neighbor asks why you'll play with your toy tiger, but not with her rabbit.
The rabbit is named Mr. Bun.
A girl named Susie owns the rabbit.
Her last name is Derkins.
During school you try to escape by jumping out the window.
You collect Captain Napalm trading cards.
You have almost all of them after chewing over 20 dollars' worth of gum.
You can recite the secret origin of every member of Captain Napalm's Thermo League of Liberty.
You are wondering if Thermo is the correct word and spelling.
You are looking now to see if it is right.
You know what comic, on what page, in what book it is in.
You don't, and you are willing to look at every comic in every book to find out the correct word and spelling.
You read a comic book before bed called "Scary Death".
You're burping and making pretend farts, hoping that there's a mockingbird around.
You've done it before.
Your toy tiger says, "It's amazing what they do with corrugated cardboard these days" after you create a transmogrifier.
You used to have a name on this website called "Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie".
You aren't going to vote when you grow up so you can justify your further lack of participation when everything goes down the tubes.
When your mom says, "Life could be worse, Calvin", you say "Life could be a whole lot BETTER, too!".
You get sent to your room almost every day.
You ride in toboggans and wagons and crash every time.
You don't want to learn anything from crashing.
You take a picture of your toy tiger pouncing on you.
Your dad thinks you just threw your toy tiger up in the air.
Your toy tiger is always lonely when you're asleep.
You strip naked a lot outside.
It has started hailing when you have done that before.
You are the Downhill Tumble and Roll Champ.
You are the King of the Toad Finders.
You are the Captain of the High Altitude Vista Club.
You are the second place finisher in the 'Round the Yard Backwards Dash.
You are the Premier Burper State Division.
You are the Sodbuster and Worm Scout First Order.
You are the Generalissimo of the Mud and Mayhem Society.
You are all of these things.
You are all of these things and your name is Calvin.
You are all of these things and you are reading ALL the way down HERE!
Your dad wanted a dog instead of a kid.
You won't take a message because there is nothing in it for you.
You say that people don't see beauty and value because boring stuff doesn't sell.
You build a sand town, pick up rocks, and say, "Onward came the meteors!"
Your cereal turns the milk purple.
You wake up at 4:30 AM on Christmas and Saturdays.
You think sombreros and Mickey Mouse pants are dorky.
You threatened to flush your babysitter's science notes down the toilet.
You play croquet, volleyball, polo, and badminton at the same time and call it Calvinball.
In order to cut school, you play Spaceman Spiff.
Your dinner is always green.
You have to recite a poem about tigers to get into your treehouse.
You dream about your homework exploding.
You only watch Looney Tunes on Saturday morning.
A typical day is when your personal gravity reverses polarity, and then you grow so big that you fall off the planet.
Your Christmas list costs $2.40 to mail.
You try to knock your dad's hat off with a snowball.
You make no New Year's resolutions.
You would love to be on TV, but your tiger declines.
You don't know starboard from port.
Your motto is "So what?"
Your bully's motto is "Give before it hurts".
You spell ZQFMGB in Scrabble.
Your tiger says that centipedes have poisonous pincers.
You think your parents are really bug-eyed aliens from Neptune.
You hate organized baseball.
You put a bee in your mom's shirt.
If you say "Kazam", your dad becomes an alien.
You can burp for 10 seconds straight.
You keep seceding from your family.
You eat too many Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs.
You have a babysitter named Rosalyn.
You tell your babysitter you're on a Big Mac diet.
You leave your babysitter out in the rain.
You pretend you're a dinosaur and you bite your mom in the leg.
Every time you go camping, it rains or something bad happens.
You give your neighbor a bike horn for her birthday.
When you try to blow up a balloon, you inflate your head by mistake.
You got lost at the zoo, and sought help from the tigers.
You visited Mars once.
Your name is Calvin.
When riding a sled in the snow, it caught fire.
For Valentine's Day, you send a girl hate mail and dead flowers.
You test the safeness in getting off a chair by dropping a shoe.
You hire your tiger as a lawyer so that you can plead your case of goodness in front of Santa.
You make a giant bird's foot to leave tracks in the snow to make people think a two ton chickadee is around.
Someone accidentally skips several numbers in a list like this, and no one, including you, notices, except one person.
You are that exception.
You caused the skipping.
Your babysitter is homicidal.
You can't watch any of the movies you want to because you have to be eighteen years old.
You list for all of these.
You take over a neighboring discussion area and attempt to turn the inhabitants into C&H fans.
Your name is NOT yfel.
You have a teacher who smokes, wants to retire, and takes a lot of medication.
You and your tiger hang out in bookstores where kids named Jason, Paige, and Peter go often.
Every time you build character, your dad saves a couple hundred dollars.
Every time you do something that doesn't build character, your parents inevitably get mad.
You copy this, and put it on a website!
You have a tiger greet you at high velocity when you get home.
You turn yourself into a tiger.
You get jumped every day after school.
The person who bullies you is named Moe.
One day you can be bald and the next be fine.